Letters to my Autistic Daughters, Letter #1

Dear my autistic daughters,

You don’t have to try to be a super human to compensate for being autistic. It’s okay to just exist. There will be thousands, millions of people telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, care about, without ever taking the time to know who you are and what your life is like. These people do not know you and therefore, what they say has little value. They do not have to walk in your shoes nor have they tried. There will come many times where it will feel like the only way to survive and be good enough is to overachieve, to show everyone that they were wrong about you, that you can win despite the pain it takes to do it. 

This super human strategy will come at a great cost because you aren’t super human so you will borrow energy from the future to be one for a little while. Then you may crash at some point. Even if you could keep it up forever, you are good enough just as you are without the pain of contorting yourself for others. Being autistic is okay, it really is. Even the parts of it you’ve never talked about, the parts you are ashamed of. You are good enough just as you are, no matter how much you are misunderstood. It is not your fault you’ve been misunderstood, you deserved to be seen and accommodated from day one. 

The solution to a world that misunderstands you is not to contort yourself to become understood. That will hurt you and you still won’t be understood in the end. Surround yourself with people who are interested in knowing more about who you are. I hope you become someone who is also interested in knowing and accepting yourself as you are too. You are not a burden, your needs matter, you deserve accommodations, support, and understanding. Always. No exceptions.