Growing up as an undiagnosed and unaccommodated AuDHD person was rough. I experienced a lot of shame around the aspects of myself that were clearly different from others. As someone who always wants to know why something is happening, I spent my entire life trying to figure out why my brain seemed to work differently than others or why people could just sit still without fidgeting or order sandwiches at the counter without anxiety. I thought it meant I was broken.

I apologize in advance because I have no idea who to attribute this quote to, despite scouring the internet. According to LinkedIn, I’ve worked in mental health in some capacity for 20 years. Before that, philosophy and psychology were lifelong special interests. I’ve always been trying to figure out how to live life well—and how not to get stuck in traps. Traps like the hedonic treadmill, keeping up with the Joneses, or working myself to the bone in pursuit of security, only

Many of us have internalized the belief that we are not allowed to seek comfort. That comfort is a failure state. That growth only happens through pushing past it. ** For many autistic people—especially those of us who have masked our whole lives—comfort was never something we were taught to consider. We learned early on that our needs were inconvenient, excessive, or something to override.

When we think of accommodations, many of us imagine our favorite stim objects, a cozy corner, perhaps subtitles, or a map of a conference before we attend.

The Hardest Part of Autism (for me) Autism, at its core, impacts a person in two main ways: socially, and through repetitive behaviors or restricted interests (aka special interests, sensory issues, the need to stim, the need for sameness, etc.).

I was really hoping that my blog post about fighting for regional services for my child would’ve been a victory speech on how my knowledge and clinical expertise fought the system and won. Despite being able to recite the DSM-5-TR criteria for autism by heart, my hard won visceral-to-my-bones knowledge of autism wasn’t enough. I was up against a legal system that systematically denies high-masking BIPOC AFAB gender non-conforming, etc folks as "not autistic enough" to require

Some thoughts about why autism is confusing, at least why it's confusing to me.

Not a comprehensive list by any means but some common themes I have seen clinically and personally.

As you may have guessed as a therapist with lived-experienced, this is a deeply personal journey. The beginning of this story is actually way before I became a therapist, before I even knew that much about psychology. It began when my parents told me that a family member was getting an Asperger’s assessment (I am deeply aware Asperger’s is no longer a term used and has a bad history to it but I am using it here for accuracy, Asperger’s syndrome is now included in the diagnosi

Joining a group of late-discovered folks, some very early in their discovery journey and some many years in, offers a place where you don't have to overexplain your autistic experience in hopes the other person might finally understand. Trust me, we understand.

This is a short list of some traits that most of my clients struggle with

Do you know what my main marketing strategy is? Just posting endlessly showing how autistic I am

The Internalized, High-Masking Experience Of Autism

All late-diagnosed Autistic people have had to give up so much to survive.

Maybe, in the end, it was a bridge to nowhere.

I’ve started training for marathons and beyond. I’ve never run one before. Yet, marathons and ultras don’t seem much different than...

I work with a population that has inherently experienced trauma and betrayal and interpersonal challenges which makes it extra hard for people to show up to therapy and unmask, no matter how approachable I may be. The reality is, we all hide aspects of ourselves in shame. Me too. Whatever shameful thing you have to share about yourself, me too, I have shameful things too. I am also human and messy and imperfect. What you are afraid to show up and share about in therapy....

First of all, we don’t tell anyone they are Autistic or “have” Autism. Because we haven’t done a full assessment and therefore, we are speculating

The only way I can survive being an Autistic therapist and marketing my practice is by being brutally honest about who I am and what I offer. I offer awkwardness. So much awkwardness. I don't start sessions off smoothly, like at all, I know the words but it's with an Autistic delivery every time. But I do offer integrity, honestly, a joy in deep diving about Autism or really anything in the DSM. But I will never be less awkward. I have come to terms with this.

There is a practice in Buddhism where monks create very intricate mandalas made out of sand only to destroy them later. It teaches us about impermanence, that life is a constant flow of change and we cannot hold onto anything too tightly.