As An Autistic Person, I Know How To Endure

I’ve started training for marathons and beyond. I’ve never run one before. Yet, marathons and ultras don’t seem much different than living life as an Autistic person. It’s very similar to the mental torture of running the same 1.2 mile track for 72 hours until you are the “last man standing.” Sometimes people run marathons in order to increase their endurance but after living as an Autistic person trying to survive for 36 years, I already have endurance, I am just learning to run these races for fun. 

Much of my life and career has been dedicated to seeking out what is true and real. I have relied primarily on direct experience with literature, research, and other people’s lived experiences added in. I hear lots of stories, that is a side benefit of being a therapist, I learn so much from my clients, I get to hear first hand about the life lessons they’ve learned, the deep truths they have learned about themselves. It is also beneficial that I am specialized in Autism and only see Autistic clients because, through my clients as well as my own experience, I am continuously growing my knowledge of what Autism is. 

What feels true and real right now about Autism is that it makes sense, especially if you use the context of the Intense World Theory as the foundation in which everything about Autism rests. Many Autistic people will say they feel like they were “born without skin” or with their nervous system outside of their body. I’ve said this about myself, even before I knew I was Autistic. That is the foundation, that is the cause of much of what we call “Autism.” The intense special interests, the repetitive behaviors, the need for sameness, the dysregulation. 

All of this can all be tied to a person’s reaction to living such an intensely overwhelming experience day in and day out. No wonder we burn out, act “different” compared others. We are quite literally reacting to an experience of the world that you don’t experience. The intensity dial is turned way up for us and NEVER GOES BACK DOWN. This is our life 24/7, of course we tire, our endurance runs thin, it’s an ultramarathon for the nervous system and senses that only finds mild relief in seeking out less, sameness, familiarity. 

Sometimes I think I see Autistic traits everywhere but then I remember, I am just seeing some level of overwhelm, something that reminds me of Autism but whereas, everyone experiences overwhelm or sensory overload, Autistic people experience it more often, more intensely, and it impacts our lives on a level that sets us apart. We are both similar to non-Autistic people yet apart from them. We all share similar emotions, experiences but ours are heightened, harder to deal with, overwhelming, relentless, disabling. We are processing too many details all at once, on a level that others can’t see and therefore, don’t understand.