If you are seeking to become the perfect mother, you will be sorely disappointed. She doesn't exist. And she never has. Because we are all a little (or a lot) messed up. We don't have all of our marbles, we have wounds and scars that make us a little prickly sometimes. No matter how much makeup we put on or parenting classes we take or the self-healing ceremonies we attend, we will still have flaws and imperfections. That is our lot as human beings and the sooner we accept it, the better.
We can always heal, we can always get better, and improve ourselves. We just can't ever reach per fection or some culturally derived ideal of motherhood. We get angry. We burn out. We hold onto resentment and bitterness. And we learn to heal and release these only to face another mountain of 💩. Rinse and repeat.
The 💩 that we don't deal with gets passed onto our children for them to deal with. So by all means, keep facing your 💩. And try to find some meaning and purpose in it. Peeling back the endless layers of yourself only to find endless new layers to discover can be both incredibly gratifying and incredibly disheartening. I mean who wants to constantly face their 💩 every day including a bunch of ancient 💩 that your ancestors passed down to you because they couldn't figure out how to heal it themselves? No wonder so many of us turn to substances to escape this incessant barrage of unresolved 💩.
Those of us who choose sobriety don't get the same level of temporary relief that a glass of good wine can provide. That is probably the biggest lesson that I've learned from sobriety - I lost a hiding place! Darn!
So to my fellow repressed, obsessive-compulsive paranoiac moms; I see you. Life bestowed on us the blessing of being parents and yet within that blessing is the felt urgency to somehow be perfect. As you hopefully have realized by now, it ain't gonna happen. So let's just keep moving toward healing. Keep peeling back those layers. Keep facing your 💩. I'm right here with you.