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What I Am Good At (Therapy) Is Hard For Me To Do

Writer's picture: Danielle Aubin, LCSWDanielle Aubin, LCSW

Autistic therapist online California

I worked from 1 p.m. to 8 p.m. today, and when I finally emerged from my office, I told my spouse about the positive feedback I received from my group participants. I had five individual therapy sessions, followed by a 1.5- to 2-hour group session. Most days are generally that full, not to mention I made two long-form TikTok videos and had a call with a dietitian with whom I share a mutual client. My spouse is the person who hears all of my internal struggles with running a private practice. It’s a really hard job—there’s uncertainty and impostor syndrome; it’s a lot.



Some days, I feel like I want to be a therapist forever, that it’s the best job ever invented, and that I’m the luckiest person in the world to have landed my dream job. Other days (and sometimes even in the same day), I feel like a total impostor, unsure if I’m doing good work, and the uncertainty of it all is too much for me to bear. I think I’d be much happier with literally any other job—the more mechanical and less human-facing, the better.



I can’t tell you which one is my authentic feeling, maybe it’s a mix, or something else, or who knows. I do know that I put immense pressure on myself, as many Autistic people do. We often carry a chip on our shoulders, myself included, as we tend to overcompensate for the message we’ve received our entire lives that something is wrong with us. We push ourselves hard, striving to show that we weren’t broken after all, and that we can achieve beyond everyone’s wildest expectations.



If I’m to believe the feedback I get and the success of my business, then I am a good therapist. Yet, being a therapist is incredibly difficult for me. I’m sensitive and have difficulty interacting with so many people. I’m rejection-sensitive and ruminative, and I give my all to each and every client. At the end of the day, though, I feel like I didn’t do enough. I didn’t notice enough, remember enough, was educated enough, didn’t go to the best schools… And yet, I love it. I love the process. I love the art of it. Yet it is very costly for me to do.

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