Direct Communication Only, Please.

When we peel back all the layers, here’s the real issue:

When I speak, I am relying on the actual definitions — like dictionary definitions — of my literal words to communicate what I want them to communicate.

The majority of the human race, however, communicates using much more than literal definitions of words. They seek meaning through facial expression, body language, tone, and other social signals.

What they find must be confusing, because as an autistic person, my facial expression doesn’t always match my words, and my tone doesn’t always match either.

So therein lies the problem, folks.

I said something acceptable definition-wise, but I get misinterpreted and misunderstood because I apparently communicated something else elsewhere — unbeknownst to me.

This is why many autistic people ask for direct communication, and why we have been telling people that we will provide direct communication back.

Meaning: listen to the meaning of my words. Full stop.

If my face looks off, or like I’m about to hit you or something and you’re concerned, you can ask or point it out. I was probably just concentrating, or my shirt felt weird, or something else entirely.

If I look disturbed, I probably am — but you can’t always correctly assume why.

This ask may be hard for allistic people, which is why we rarely encounter moments where someone simply listens to our words and speaks directly with us.

But if there were one accommodation I could ask for — beyond asking people to stop using perfume or scented products (which, of course, is also never going to happen) — it would be this:

Not only direct communication from them, but a willingness to accept and understand my speech as literal.

And if something I say or do is perceived as mean or rude, ask me directly for clarification.

Because yes — sometimes it really is rude or mean.

And sometimes it is completely unintended and misinterpreted.